For You

When I first met you, It was weird but exciting at the same time....After awhile I started to call you my dad...You were sweet and kind...You always protected me and what was weird you told guys off for me...When I first heard that you were sick..I was in the hospital having my training and I went to the bathroom and started crying...I prayed that you would get better...But as time passed you got worse and on the day that you left us I just fell on the hospital floor crying....I love you as my dad and friend..I would never forget you...I lost them all Dad...because I listened to some bitches who werent worth my time....I lose Lee, Aimee, Ikat, Kat and Mommy Akira...I wish you were here to set me straight again...I don't know what I'm doing anymore dad....You always saw the best in me...Even when I did stupid things you protected me...Lee took over that when you left the first time...He protected me and respected me but I lost him....I feel so sad and angry at the same time....Now I can't take back all that I said...I guess they will never really know how much I truly love all of them...I still cry everynight thinking of our family....But I act tough infront of them saying I dont give a fuck about it anymore but really inside my heart is breaking with what I say...Dad I wish you were still around...Lee misses you so much and he needs you...Why did you leave us especially him?? Can't I just follow you now?? I don't think I can keep living anymore....I wanna go with you and be by your side as we look at all the people we love go on with their lives...dad I know I shouldn't say that I wanna die now too....but my life isn't what I planned it to be....I'm having such a hard time trying to move on....Zizo I wish you can see this....I finally said what is truly in my heart.. You would have been proud of me....I changed alot since you left us...

My soulmates have changed...they used to be everything to me but since some of them drifted away...I decided to change who the real people of my life are...Muhammad Firdaus(Ferdie), Nur Intan, Hidayah, Bryan Paldomarez(My Hubby) and ChrisNazrin....The 5 of you brought happiness to my life...I don't know what I would do if any of you gets hurt...

Ferdie:You never fail to make me smile even if all I wanna do is cry and never look back...You became my strength, My laughter and my Rock...I wish that you'll never leave my side...I love u sayang...(hehehe)

Bryan: Asawa koh...mahal na mahal kita...Ikaw lang ang liwanag nang buhay ko...sana hindi mo ako iiwanan kasi hindi ko po alam kung kaya kong mawala ka sakin...Hon promise mo sakin na kahit anong mangyari kahit man may problema tayo..maguusap tayo...and we'll fix lahat nang problems natin...Mahal na kita...Sana lagi kitang kasama...Ayoko na na malayo ko sakin....gusto ko na timira uli dyan sa Pinas para makasama ka lagi...mahal kita at ikaw lang...sana mahal mo rin ako...

New Guys in My Life

Woah!! It's been ages since I wrote on my blog....Well my life has been weird lately....All the people I know and trust seems to backstab me lately...I don't like to put names here....So I won't....but I'm also grateful because I found some guys that made me happy....

They became a part of who I am now....They made me happy and feel like I'm worth living....

One of the guys who became an important part of my life is Ferdie...He's sweet and kind...and he makes me smile....I don't know what I'll do if something happens to him....He's my best friend....He never fails to make me happy...I'm so grateful that I met him....He replaced that whole in my heart when Anas left....He became the person I talk to all the time and that role used to belong to Anas but since he left...I couldn't put myself back together till Ferdie came along....I'm so happy that Ferdie came along and he somehow helped me get thru a difficult time in my life...I don't know what I will do if he wasn't in my life now....

Muhammad Firdaus I love you...You're the best friend, brother and somehow my darling boy anyone can ever have....I will always remember you and keep you in my heart forever....<3

Starting A new Me

Whoa!!! Everyone has been telling me I lost weight which is so weird cos I think I gained...well anyways...I went and chopped my usually long looks about 2 months ago...and I love it though I miss my long hair....

Now to my love life...hmmm what can i say about it?? well I have too many guys at the moment...I just have to pick one I truly like and stick with him....

Well that's all for now...I'll try to write every week or whenever I have the chance....

xoxo

Pain and Suffering

why do i feel that you're gone? i wanted to see you but something was in the way...i didn't wanna let you go...It hurts to see you even if it's for the last time...i cant keep my tears from falling for you..even if you're not mine to have I'll still love you as if you were mine...please take care of my heart cos u don't wanna give it back to me...don't break it return it when u come back...i will always love you..i wont forget you...

Can you not break my heart?

You said you had to leave...I begged you to stay..in the end I finally said ok but asked you if i can have my heart back cos you stole it from me...You said you'll keep it cos it's your sweetest memory of me...I told you to pls take care of my heart and you said ok...But how do I know that you won't just break it and throw it away? Can I really trust you not to break it? Not to forget me and how much we mean to each other? Keep catching raindrops so you can show me how much I mean to you...

It's all about you

I didn't wanna think about you leaving but as the days pass by, I guess I have to come to terms of it...It's painful to know that I won't see you around anymore and that the smile I love so much won't brighten my days anymore...couldn't you just stay awhile more and not leave me behind?? I love how you make me smile and forget all my worries...Thank you for making realize that life is worth living and I'll never regret meeting you...Saranghaeyo...