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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

My Letter to Someone special

I never really got over you he said to me..I saw it all in his eyes..The emotions spilling out...I didn't know what to say..I know in my heart that I still love him but can I trust myself to be trust him again after what he did to me??
Things were never normal between us..He cheated on me with my best friend while I was flirting with his brother but he's all I ever wanted in my life and I regret losing him..I wish he was still mine to hold, kiss and hug but he's not...He belongs to someone else he loves now..He was,is, my whole life...I just don't know how to tell him after I told him I'm over him...This whole note is for him..I hope he reads this and know how strong my feelings are for him..I can't do anything about this emotions I have for him cos I know he'll never feel same way again..It's so hard to hide these feelings from him as I miss him all the time now that I don't see him everyday...Love is unconditional..He's all I want and all I'll ever need..
Sometimes I hoped things will be the same way it was when we were together..I was so happy then..I didn't have a care in the world all I need and ever wanted was with him...I miss his hugs and kisses...They were filled with love only meant for me...But now it's all gone for we've grown apart...Is it wrong to still love you even though you see me as sister now? Do you remember what happened to us? I do..It's still vivid in my mind...The silence and ignoring each other...It took us months to be social to each other...It was practically a hostile situation for us..We barely talked and that sucks cos you were my best friend as well as my boyfriend...I know I shouldn't feel this way now that you think someone replaced you in my heart but no matter what happens you'll always be in my heart..
You're the love I regretted losing till now...You're still my one and only love..If only I can turn back time just to be your girl again..We were so happy then but now all I want is for you to be happy with whoever you want...Love your girlfriend as you have loved me..And she'll be happy...Just know that I still love you with all my heart...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Looking back

I've finally got it right...Is it too hard for you to understand that my heart belongs to someone else and I'm happy with him....This wasn't meant to be happening to me...That past life of mine is over..Don't bring it up anymore...I've changed and so have you...So just please let me go my own way and you on your own...You've been there for me even when I don't need support to move on...Let go of me and you'll see that I wasn't meant for you...My life has never been with you or revolved around you...I only see you as a friend and brother...I'm not that girl that you fell in love with 6, 7 years back...I grew up...All I ever wanted was for you to be happy with someone else who isn't me..Cos I'm happy with all the people around me...I'm so sorry but I don't need you anymore in my life...

Monday, May 18, 2009

Confusion

It's finally here. The memory box a friend sent me years ago. I know it seems weird that I'm only getting it now but we made a pact that we'll always be there for each other...What sucks about it all is that she has to leave me in the middle of all this chaos in our lives..I miss her..She didn't really send me the box years ago..We made a point to send our memory box if anything happens to us..so when I got mine imagine my shock when mine arrived this morning...I broke down and called her mom..I found out she's gone for almost 5 days now...Is it faith that lead to her death? or Is it just her time?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Create me a paradise

Ever wonder how you touched my soul? Since I met you, I'm not the same...you bring life to everything I do...Just the way you say hello...Because of you, my life has changed..Thank you for the love and the joy you bring....Why can't you just see? That we'll always have a place in our hearts for each other...Don't you wonder how that happened to us? Won't you just create a perfect place for us to be in together? That no1 would see our love blossoming and flowing thru our veins...Wouldn't you like that too...Just tell me what to do and I'll help you make that that paradise with you...That's how much I love you so...

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Remembering

I sat up all night crying..Thinking about all those sweet and crazy moments we all left in school...Can this be really it? The times has finally come for us to say goodbye...Time flew...I remember the first week I came to school...Ms Kartini and her class of primary 3...God!!! I grew up with most of you...It sucks that we're all parting ways but I know deep in my heart,that we'll all still cross path...I will still remember the times Mr Tex used to run after Amna, me and the girls because of our dresses...I'll miss you all...Don't ever forget me..

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Para sa Inyo


I don't know why is it so tough to let people go...I find it so devastatingly hard to let the ones I love leave my side...Kung pwede lang sana dito na lang sila lahat sa tabi ko...Ang sakit kasi pagnawala sayo ang taong mahal na mahal mo..Sa lahat nang tao na mahal na mahal ko sana nasa mabuti kayong kalusugan...Ang hirap sabihin sa inyong lahat ang nararamdaman ko..Para sa inyo ito..Sana basahin nyo at malaman na kayo ang nag papaikot ng mundo ko...

Thursday, April 2, 2009

A Part of Me

This is a part of me no one can ever see...It's all a part of my other persona..I'm not the girl you see at school when I'm out with my friends...I keep this part a secret from my school friends till now...I'm not a total bitch nor a liar...Just a real human being...It's scary to know that you're being judged in every step you take and every move you make...If you're not up to the standards you're considered an outsider...That's what I am right now, an outsider..Though I love to be back in with my old friends..It sucks that we all don't hang out anymore...I hate being on the outside..It's like I don't belong anymore..Do I really belong here? What if I was meant to be somewhere else? Could I really belong in a place where I could love just about everything around me? I wanna try to ask for forgiveness from everyone I have hurt before..I hope to God that they'll have it in their hearts to forgive me...

Monday, March 30, 2009

Needing you

Day by Day I see you pass by with that sad look in your eyes..I wonder if that look was meant for me..I can only guess what you're really feeling inside of you..Are you sad that we can never be those two people again or that I can never be yours? Is our fate really that screwed up now? Whose fault was it that we broke up? I still need you by my side everyday of my life...You're a part of my world now..I know I screwed up the last couple of times we were together but I swear I never told...They guessed it...Just cos it's us...We can never keep anything to ourselves if they saw us together...You have to choose between me or her...If you choose her over me, I'll disappear for good..You'll never hear from me again..The changes in me right is because of what I feel for you...

Friday, March 27, 2009

This is for you Baby!

The times I spent with you are the most amazing times in my life..You make me happy when I'm down..You're always there when I needed you most...You make me smile just by looking at me...Why can't we ever get back to the way we were before? I miss the times when you just call to hear my voice and so do I...I wanna if you still have those feelings for me..My feelings towards you will always be the same..I will always love you even if I have to die for you...

Thursday, March 26, 2009

confession to you

It's actually happening...I actually believe you because of your best friend...He told me that it was finally over between you and her...I wanna feel happy but I can't, you're 8 months too late...Though I'm not yours to have, I'll always be in your heart as you were my first true love and the best friend I ever had..Don't ever leave me or change who you are..My heart would always belong to you no matter what happens between us...I don't care if I belong to someone else or so do you..Life without you might suck when I go off to college...I wish I could take you with me as we talked about yesterday but I can't...I'll come back for you as long as you still feel that I still belong in your life...Don't hesitate to tell me what you feel...I'm not as insensitive as people say I am..I feel all the love that I felt for you these past few years seems to grow fonder..I don't think I can live without you in my life anymore..You're the biggest part of my entire being...

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The love I feel for you

You told me that you still love me. I still love you though I don't show it..I wish you can read my mind then you would know what I feel towards you. Memories of our time together still burns in my mind. I wanna try to believe you this time but the odds are against us. The more I try to believe you the more I feel like it's all a lie..How could I trust you again if I feel so insecure about you? Help me trust you again...

Goodbye but not Farewell

Saying goodbye feels like you're dying. Only less than two months and we're all separating ways. It hurts me to know that after all these years, we're finally parting ways. I'm gonna miss you all but it's another phase in our lives. It's part of growing up.
College is another great experience. New friends, Different classes and Different teachers. I won't forget all the things that we all been through.

This is for Sowmith, Jucy, Ihsanah, Ramya and Hiran...
We've been through rough times and you guys have always been there for me..I'll miss you guys so much..The advice and the harsh criticisms(Sowcow) helped me move forward. You guys have inspired me to be the best that I can be. What would I do without you guys always having my back? I'll never forget all the help you gave me...

I'll miss the whole Form 5...
I know I'm not the best person to be friends with and i regret being mean and hurtful...I'm sorry for that..I wish I could take it all back..Forgive me all of you..

emotionally confused

Passing by you in school is hard. Seeing you with someone else is worse. I wanna tell you how I feel but I just can't. You broke my heart before and the wounds have just healed. I don't wanna open up the wounds again. It's hard enough to just say hi to you but being in your presence hurts. I'm just gonna keep my feelings to myself, it's better this way. I wonder if I can finally own up to my feelings.
You came up to me during Halloween, just to give me a kiss but that made everything worse. The feelings I have for you erupted like a volcano. Why do all the good things come to an end? Now I'm fighting with your girlfriend not for your feelings but for the sheer fun of it. Rumours get out of hand sometimes and that's hard to deal with.
I can't handle it. Just leave me be. I'm not your girl anymore. What happened between us during Halloween was a total mistake.Let's forget about it. Don't ever bring it up again. It's no use. We can never be those people again. I don't feel that way about you anymore. Forgive me for the hurt I've caused you. You'll always be the one who made me believe in myself. You're my inspiration and the guy I would always care about. Take care of yourself as I move on and live my life without you for the first time. Don't keep staying behind me ready to catch me in case I fall. I can take of myself. Now you have to take care of yourself.

Friday, March 13, 2009

my satisfaction

i did it...after a torture of 10 months...i finally got over you...i finally happy without you by my side...you chose her over me...i could have given you the world but your lust overtook your love for me...i know she was pretty but did she give you that i never could have???? enlighten me please cos I'm still confused...i still wonder what ever happen to your promises of forever and always....

my pain and sufferings

the pain i felt when he and i broke up was excruciating....to be deceived and embarrassed in front of my friends was punishment enough but to flaunt his new relationship in my face was pushing the limits...as time flew by, the pain slowly disappeared but my scars were still there but not that visible as before...i tried moving on but it was a little hard to moved pass this heartbreak....my friends helped me day by day to get through it all....i slowly started to heal...i knew i can get through this....